POOL USE ABECEDARIAN

Helen Tzagoloff


ATTENTION!

Because we want you to be safe and happy
compliance is not only
desirable, but will be
enforced according to the
following state-mandated, community board
governing regulations of certain
human activities (for a complete list go to reggov.com) that
include the use of these properties where it is prohibited to
jettison parts of or the entire bathing suit,
kick limbs into neighboring bodies,
lick and smack lips even in authentic
manful adoration and absolutely
no
offers to massage cellulite in
public (maybe okay under an oversize beach towel, but must
quickly cease in
response to
sidelong glances) and of course
turpitude, beyond hand-holding which we tolerate,
unbecoming and feudal though it is, is cause for expulsion and
views, yours or whomever’s  on any of the above,
will be treated as
x-rated ravings from a bad-tempered
Yankee whose actions will come to nothing, but
zilch.  Have a good day and enjoy.